The Beginning

I´m a bit ashamed at how long it´s been since my last update. I have been a slacker... but also more than slightly overwhelmed by all that has happened. I have been in my little aldea in the mountains for 2 weeks now. It´s been a roller-coaster ride, that´s for sure. Being alone here, without the friends in my training group I've become close to and come to rely on, without any Americans at all that have some concept of where I come from and who I am, and being such a novelty in this town and attracting SO MUCH attention... was a bit of a shock, as much as I saw it all coming.

I know now what they mean when they saw the highs are very high and the lows are very low. That's just how it's been here. I feel like my emotional state is a very delicate balance and all the things that happen to me, good or bad, are pepples that can tip it drastically one way or the other. Often the tone for the day is set during my morning walks. A little kid in the street whose face brightens when they see me, shouting "¡Buenos dias, Seño Leoti!" can make me so happy. A morning when the endless hills are glowing with light and the clouds float tranquilly in a vibrant blue sky. A simple "¡Que le vaya bien! (roughly, "hope that all goes well) from a stranger that I greet. After breakfast, sitting on my rooftop in the sun, where no one can see me, but I can see the velvety green hills and the top of a volcano in the far distance, sipping coffee and preparing lessons. Chatting with some eager, shy young ladies at the Institute where I'll be working. Preparing a delicious breakfast of yogurt, granola, fruit and honey with strong coffee (SO tasty after months of comida chapina). All of these things can make me feel truly content here, and the prospect of these two years is not intimidating but envigoring. It really doesn't take much.

In cambio, the scale can definitely tip the other way. Some mornings I just can't handle all the staring and muttering and the whole town treating my walk like a friggun circus act. Having a run in with bad-tempered and dangerous chuchos, street dogs (once one goes in for attack, it attracts a bunch more). Saying "Buenos dias" with a smile and getting a barely audible muttered response, or no reply at all. Getting vulgar comments or whistles from the construction workers (which happens also in the US and doesn't bother me, but for some reason it's so much more intolerable here). Saying something simple (and correct) in Spanish to my host mom and her not understanding (Spanish is a distant second language for her). Waiting two hours in the rain for a camioneta I'm not even sure will come to get my safely home. Little boys in the street throwing apples at me, then running away giggling. Some days there is just a cascade of such pebbles, building a mountain on my scale, tipping my mood very low indeed. Nothing is simple here, and there is no espcaping the glaring spotlight that is constantly pointed at me. Some days, I can handle it with grace and humor. Others, it just feels like too much. The other day, I loaned my best, warmest sweater to a little old lady that was staying the night with us and she took off with it the next day (SO should have seen that coming). That afternoon, I was pouring water from my own jug of purified water when it slipped from the table, cracked, and flooded my room with 5 gallons of purified water. It was just enough to put me over the edge, and needless to say tears were shed that day.

I think one challenge has been that I've gotten off to a very slow start. The director at the Institute in my town was gone for most of the first week, and I wanted to wait on visiting the other schools until I had met with him because he is my main contact. Then I wasted one day trying to get to one of my schools, but once I simply got to the entrance of the town, it was so late that I had to just wait (over an hour) for a bus back home before it got dark. Today I made the long trip out to the one institute I have not yet visited (1 hour 40 minutes including the wait) only to find the director wasn't there and having to turn around. The fews days were I have made it to the schools and felt like I had a productive day have made me feel much better, like I have a purpose here. As I figure out more and more the buses and get the initial meetings out of the way so I can really be with the kids, I know I will feel better and better.

This past weekend I went to Xela for the first time, the 2nd biggest city in Guatemala and only an hour away, and went to a gym with some of my compañeros and had a planning meeting, then went out for Indian food and dancing. A little bit of normalcy, a little time away, really refreshed me and helped me get back some perspective, and today has been one of the good ones. I can only hope the same for tomorrow.