surviving... THE FIRST THREE MONTHS

So now I am in Reconnect, the conference that marks the end of THE FIRST THREE MONTHS in site. THE FIRST THREE MONTHS is in all caps because every time that you hear anything about it from other more veteran volunteers or staff members, they will let you know that it is the "hardest part" of Peace Corps. Many times in training I would think ahead to the dreaded FIRST THREE MONTHS that loomed ahead of me and wished I could press the fast-forward button to just get to the fourth month when things start to get good.

Now that I have reached the ended of that supposedly dark and very much dreaded time, it's hard to know if truly it will be and has been "the hard part" for me. I can definitely say that I had my tough moments... many encounters with chuchos, many less-than-friendly stares, many uncomfortable dinners with the host family as they chatter away in K'iche' and more than anything, many moments of feeling very very alone... the most alone I've been in my life. Also being surprisingly busy and stressed as I've tried to juggle too many things (an experience that is not typical of Peace Corps).

But on the flip side, I have had so many moments of feeling welcomed into the community-- such as when I walk past the house where 6 little girls live (they look almost identical, just different sizes) and they shriek with excitement and smother me in hugs, or when I get onto the bus and some other young women from town joke with me, or when I play a game of basketball with some of my students in the town center. Now when I am on the bus heading in on the dirt road into the valley to my town, I really feel the relief and comfort of coming home.

I think I've reached a new point. I no longer feel such a sharp pang when I think about Montana or look at photos of home. I no longer have a tiny panick attack when I hear the words TWO YEARS (which is in all caps because I feel like that's the number one hang up that prevents people from doing the Peace Corps and also the biggest stumbling block I've had). I feel so comfortable getting around this beautiful country. I'm starting to feel like a member of my community (whenever I leave the house or take the bus, someone stops to chat with me). And lovely Xela is always waiting for me when I need an escape and some perspective from the Peace Corps Community-- my fellow volunteers. All-in-all, it really feels like my life here-- no longer this strange and overwhelming experience that I'm struggling to be comfortable with. It's just my life. And I feel good about it being my life for the next 21 months.

So if this is the point I was so desperate to reach, it feels good to have arrived.